I don’t know what to do, so I’m just going to write.

I’m feeling overwhelmed — by the state of the world, by the news I see everyday when I wake up in the morning, by being around my coworkers and having to act professional and like I know what I’m doing, by not knowing what’s going to happen next — in life, in relationships, in all of it. By not having a stable place to live right now, by feeling guilty for not feeling okay even though, I know I have everything I need — a home, food on the table, community — things that I know I take for granted and that so many people continue to long for everyday.

I also feel overwhelmed by the little things — going to the grocery store, filling up my gas tank, about having enough time to finish all the books on my bookshelf… the list goes on.

Those things, on top of the big things, have left me frozen. I stopped doing work today and just sat. I don’t know what else to do. I feel scattered and lost and hopeless and helpless.

But the real truth is, I have never felt this much before, this deeply before. It feels like, after years of living in an ice cold cave, stranded in the middle of nowhere, that I’m finally starting to defrost and at least search for a ground to stand on.

I feel overwhelmed, yes. Probably 96% of the day. But the truth is, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Feeling overwhelmed allows me at least to feel and at the moment, I don’t care what that is. All I care about is that I’m feeling — that I’m experiencing emotions in the way humans are supposed to do on this Earth, in this lifetime, in this moment. All I know for sure is that I want to be fully human, forever and ever. Till death due us part.

Spirituality, Mindfulness, Personal Transformation