The house I built seems like it’s never going to be finished. There’s always something that needs be to fixed — a crack in the ceiling, a hole in the wall, a door that needs repairing. It’s hard to keep up. One thing after another.
The goal for the house is this: to be stable yet malleable, inviting, yet, not too permissive, adaptable, and yet consistent. Simple goal, I know.
I should preface this first by telling you about my inspiration for the house.
I recently finished the book “Untamed”, a wonderful memoir written by Glennon Doyle, my latest muse…
I’ve worked hard at becoming a certified yoga instructor. 5 years ago, I enrolled in a difficult program where I was evaluated on my teaching performance each week by one of the least yogi yoga instructors I’d ever met. She was harsh, controlling, and extremely critical. Just what I needed, but most definitely not what I wanted. It took a lot of time, effort, and patience for me to get to where I am today in terms of my teaching abilities.
Right now, I’m subbing classes at multiple studios in New Jersey. I’m constantly ‘on call’ to teach, but don’t…
It’s called ‘fawning’. This thing I do. This thing that I’ve always done, ever since I can remember.
Fawning is essentially the act of putting others before yourself. In other words, it’s a complete act of self rejection, a coping mechanism, a necessary tool for survival. It has to do with being emotionally neglected, in one way or another, as a child.
To fawn requires one to forget themself completely. It results in an inability to connect with one’s feelings, thoughts and emotions. All fawners are really doing, though, is attempting to survive.
When I first heard about fawning, a…
There’s something really privileged about being able to follow your own intuition.
Earlier today, I was walking to a coffee shop to do work and before I did, I asked myself where I wanted to go. Like I actually took the time to consider the atmosphere of a few coffee shops, how far of a walk it would be, etc. I sat in my apartment, waited for an answer, and finally, I made my move.
As I was on the move, I thought to myself, “wow, that was really privileged of me”. At first, I felt privileged in a guilty…
It’s never felt this good just to rest. I’ve been sitting on my couch all damn day and every time the urge, no, not the urge — the thought comes to me, I ignore it. I just want to just crawl up onto my couch and just be. The only thing on my ‘to do’ list today is to get groceries and walk (lol), and at this rate, I’m not sure I’m going to accomplish either.
Part of me wants to fall back to sleep and the other part of me wants to enjoy the sense of calm I feel…
My friend. She is always, always happy — like, I mean all the time. It’s annoying. Like really fucking annoying.
She’s so happy — I feel like I can never be sad around her, ever. It’s like she has no idea what sadness is or at least, doesn’t talk about it with me. Ever.
If I’m her friend, wouldn’t she want to share those feelings with me?
I feel less than every time I get off the phone with her — she’s always doing something “grandiose”. Her weekend plans are over the top, eccentric, wild. I always think I have…
A friend of mine.
She is always, always happy — like, I mean all the time. It’s annoying. Like really fucking annoying.
She’s so happy that I feel like I can never be sad around her — ever. It’s like she has no idea what sadness is or at least, doesn’t talk about it with me. Ever. If I’m her best friend, like she says I am, wouldn’t she share those feelings with me?
I feel less than every single time I get off the phone with her — she’s always doing something “grandiose”. Her weekend plans are over the…
I don’t know what to do, so I’m just going to write.
I’m feeling overwhelmed — by the state of the world, by the news I see everyday when I wake up in the morning, by being around my coworkers and having to act professional and like I know what I’m doing, by not knowing what’s going to happen next — in life, in relationships, in all of it. …
What would happen if you could see everything as love?
Take a moment and experiment.
Look at the tables, chairs, blankets, plants, even the pictures in your room — see them as love.
Imagine you are in a serious relationship with these things. That you deeply care, respect, and nurture them.
Imagine that they care, respect, and nurture you, too.
Imagine the pillow on your bed, the one you take for granted each and every night, working so tirelessly to support you, to give you what you need to feel safe, loved, and energized.
What happened when you did…
I get vulnerability hangovers. You know, like when you wish you didn’t say something and you can’t take it back?
I told my friends yesterday I was feeling lonely. I don’t think my friends have ever, in their entire lifetime, experienced this feeling because there reaction to me seemed like they were trying to make conversation with a dog, confused and ill equipped.
But they were good friends. They offered me suggestions on what to do and told me it would get better. It was nice, sure. It was just not what I wanted to hear… at all.